had a situation arise tonight with my 17 year old daughter. She is with a couple of her friends and when I called to see when she would be home, she got upset, saying she wanted to spend the entire weekend with them and come back home Sunday. I told her that she is not spending the entire weekend with them. Of course that led to a big blow up over the phone, and she hung up. I called back and a woman who claims to be one of the girls mothers (no I have never met her, because she doesnt want to met anyone ) I dont like my daughter being around people that I dont know, and have a issue with it. Well when the woman answered I told her I wanted to talk to my daughter, she refused told me I needed to learn how to calm down, calm down I said??? really?? I told her this is MY daughter and you will not refuse me to speak to her….well after a argument with her she finally told my daughter to talk to me. I told my daughter that I am coming to get her and need the address where she is, she had to put the other mother back on, the mom got mad at me for wanting her address and phone number, of course I insisted that I have the phone number, and yes I looked it up and it is hers. My daughter and I got into another argument, so I hung up, after about a 30 min cool down, I called back, my daughter wouldn’t answer the cell phone. So I called the mothers phone, and she hung up on me…which made me furious!! called back, she let me speak to my daughter, my daughter has me portrayed as a terrible mother, thing is, I care and this other mother could care less…am I that bad and terrible ???
No I did not not threaten my daughter in any way at all, only asked that she be honest with me at all times where she is . Not feeling guilty in any way, I have my nerves rattled really bad right now and dont want my daughter hurt by people trying to step in

No, you’re not a bad mother!

You called to see what time she would be home because the two of you did not make earlier plans that she would not be home, so yeah, I can understand the phone call… when she asked if she could stay the weekend and your answer was, No, you were within your rights as her mother to refuse her.

Yes it is also understandable that she would not happy with your refusal, but to blow up at you over the phone, she was out of line. From that point forward, as far as I’m concerned, she would have lost her privileges for the evening and I would have insisted she come home immediately and I would have insisted, like you, for the directions and phone number. After the first time the mother of her friend countered my request to speak with my daughter I would have given her a choice, either put my daughter on the telephone or talk to the police. Drastic? Sure is… but when it comes to my daughter, it’s just a bad idea to butt in.

But it makes me wonder if that mother allows her daughters to roam without some restrictions.

The woman should have never ever stepped in between you and your daughter. She should have immediately respected your requests that your daughter not stay the evening or the weekend. She should have respected your wishes to speak with your daughter.

Now, I would probably refuse to allow my daughter to associate with those people. But that will also lead to problems. But for now, I would calm down enough to have a discussion with your daughter when she comes home.

She needs to understand there are rules she needs to abide by and one of those is you must know where she is and who she associates with… explain that it is not because you do not trust her it is because in this day and age ANYTHING can happen not just to her, but to you or any of her siblings if she has any, her father, grandparents etc etc etc and you need to know where to find her should you need her.

Teens crave to feel independent and they need to feel trusted, at the same you need to be shown respect and you need to be able to trust her. Trust is earned and when broken it is far more difficult to get back.

Discuss compromise and communication… without which, nothing will be resolved and you both will be at each other’s throats and that’s just not cool for either of you. If she does this for you, then prepared to make a deal for her and keep it. She’s going to need you to give her more and more freedom away from you and home… and in return for that she needs to respect your requests.

You’re not a bad mother and she is not a bad daughter. The fact you reached out to others tells me you care enough to get other opinions and are willing to work with your daughter.

Good luck!